Excuses Mentioned on the Dec. 19 Episode of ‘Shut Up, Weirdo,’ in Order:

1. I’m PMSing.
2. My stomach hurts, I can’t go out tonight.
3. Diarrhea.
4. Sorry, I was really drunk.
5. The battery died in my cell phone.
6. I was tipsy and I forgot.
7. It’s my birthday.
8. I’m out of the country.
9. I haven’t had my coffee yet.
10. I just woke up.
11. Traffic.
12. My alarm didn’t go off.
13. It’s the marijuana.
14. I’m having a “prodecure” done.
15. The kids are really sick.
16. Sake Bombs and Car Bombs. [These are mixed drinks]
17. I sometimes get migraines. [Anounce at the start of new job]
18. I’m a performance artist.
19. I don’t care.
20. I fell asleep.
21. The snow.
22. I have a family emergency.
23. It’s a family matter.
24. Pain pills for my back make me nauseous.
25. I have to work.
26. I have too much work.
27. Budget problems.
28. I never got that e-mail. It must have gotten caught up in my spam filter.
29. I have to call screen for Andy and Frangry. [Station Manager Ken only]
30. I don’t feel well.
31. I’m 18.
32. I have a boyfriend.
33. I’m a lesbian.
34. I have asthma.
35. My friend tried to kill herself.
36. I got a flat tire. [Preferably, a bicycle tire]
37. My bike got stolen.
38. The bus driver left without me.
39. There were a lot of wheelchairs on the bus.
40. The building is working on my chimneys.
41. I woke up this morning and there was no water.
42. Everything’s going wrong.
43. I don’t have to give you any excuses.